Swag: Not Everyone's Got It.

There are few things in life that are negotiable. Aside from the obvious clean fingernails or must-have little black dress, window treatments are also at the top the list. How hard can it be, right? Just buy whatever drapery panels are in the sale bin and molest your window with them. It’s like forcing your poor windows to wear some ill-fitting outfit, condemning them to a life of ridicule and looks that say “something just isn’t quite right in here”. Well homies, it’s high time you took a good look at your windows and asked yourself: Is this really the look I’m going for?  Any windows located in your area should be thought of as subconscious points of interest. No matter how large or small, these panels of glass break up the monotony of the wall while most times, letting in natural daylight. It’s important to dress these windows appropriately, and to understand that treating your windows like an afterthought could make you the laughing stock of your next dinner shindig. OK, maybe that’s dramatic, but you get it.

My theory on Window treatments? I’m glad you asked. Here it is: you don’t want to be that girl. You know, the girl that everyone’s met. The one who’s makeup just isn’t quite right. You know what I’m talking about. Her eyeliner is always a little wonky, her powder line is clearly visible or her eye shadow is just a little much. Your window treatments add to the cosmetic nature of your room, and when things are off, it’s like a bad makeup job. However, there are some key basics when dealing with draperies and window treatments which, if followed, can keep you ready for your close-up.

So first, let’s point out some common mistakes made when it comes to window treatments. These  design devils usually appear in the form of vertical blinds, incorrect length, dated and overdone embellishments or poor care.

 

1. When it comes to vertical blinds, enough is enough people. If possible, avoid these at all costs. They will basically add about 10 + years onto the face of your pad. I know what you’re thinking: what about privacy? Well if you don’t want your neighbor to see you vacuuming in the buff, don’t worry. A perfect alternative to vertical blinds would be trying screen panels. These panels, usually sold with track systems, offer just the right amount of opaque privacy, with a contemporary, graphic edge. Super sleek, super now.

2. Another window woe is the ever-puzzling length dilemma. Ask yourself this: would you ever intentionally walk out of the house with slacks that were 8” too short? Didn’t think so. I’ve highlighted here for you the area in which I like to refer to as “the vortex”. This expanse of baron wall, much like the Bermuda Triangle, is an area of mystery to me. For the record, your drapery panels should always hit the floor. If you think I’m being mean for saying so, just know that I had to break the news to my mother 2 weeks ago. Panels are readily available in 3 common sizes (84”, 96” or 108”) to suit standard window frame heights. In a nutshell, always think it’s better to go longer than shorter. Ideally, your panels should brush the floor, however a little pooling never hurt anyone. Pooling, or when the panels gather on the floor, offers more of a luxurious look. So ditch the highwaters and wade on over to the deep end of the design pool[ing].

 

3. Let’s say you feel like your windows need a little something extra. Or perhaps you’re just really into ancient mythology. Well before you try to dress your window up like a Greek goddess, take a moment to reconsider. The “swag” as it’s become affectionately known as, is one of my least favorites. This styling technique is dated and dreary, while in the meantime a major dust collector. Though it’s sad to say that the Dynasty days are one, if you feel the need to cap you windows off, I get it. A well-done valence can add great dimension and a hint of added architecture to any space. My advice is to try and get your hands on a piece of reclaimed wood that you can fashion into a shallow valence. Pair your new find with some fitted micro shades for an awesome rustic-contemporary combo. Can you say conversation piece?

 

4. Broken blinds? Get it together! Nothing says “dorm room” like some crack house blinds. Horizontal blinds are more often than not a stock choice and come with most houses or apartments. Furthermore, these babies are really hard to keep looking, um, nice. Take those suckers down and replace them with some luxurious, yet sleek Roman shades. Roman shades will instantly up the ante of your space.

So next time you go to address your waning windows think of this: They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, right? Well wouldn't that make windows the eyes to your living room...? *Mind Blown*

Homeboy.